To Be Alone
by ChancesPast
Summary: Lupin learns Harry's falling through the cracks of reality, and has made it his mission to save him, no matter the cost. Disclaimer: all characters belong to J.K Rowling.
1. Escape

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Journal,

Sometimes, just sometimes, I can sit back on my lumpy old bed and imagine that im somewhere else. Some mysterious place that no one knows about, and more importantly no one knows about me, the famous Harry Potter. No one would press upon me about my 'destiny'. That eventually it's either 'him' or me, or it's up to me to destroy these… horcrux's. When do I get to control my life? Make decisions for myself?

What if I don't want to shoulder the responsibilities of destroying the Dark Lord of the century. I'm sure if I don't want to do this another prophecy could be made, and another person could be announced the next 'savior'. I mean it's just not believable that im going to be the only one with enough power to destroy him. I know it's not overly Gryffindor of me to write this, much less think its true.

I've had enough; I'm done with being the bloody-boy-who-lived, its someone else's turn. I'm not going to disappear of the ends of the earth, but I am going to have sometime to myself. That is MY decision.

H.P

Harry Potter heaved himself out of bed with a great effort, closing his journal and set it down on his bedside table, which shook with effort of something actually being put on it after many years of use. Running his hand through his hair, he gazed out the window wondering where the present Order member that was on duty was hidden. If he were to leave this place it would be rather difficult without alerting the Order. If possible the security seemed to have doubled since the dear headmaster's death.

Shaking his head he leaned his head against the window, staring listlessly at the approaching sun. Albus Dumbledore was the only man that Voldemort feared, and was he was killed because he made the foolish mistake of trusting a death eater. Harry felt a surge of anger directing towards Dumbledore. If only Dumbledore didn't feel the need to protect Harry, that Harry's blood was somehow more important than his, some pathetic orphan. That was four people that had died because of him, his mother, father, Sirius and now Dumbledore. Doesn't anyone understand… if he isn't around, those that he cares about will no longer die.

Harry slowly shook himself out of his pity, when the sun finally reached it's peak in the sky. He rubbed his eyes tiressly, sleep no longer seemed important when you woke more tired that you where before you went to sleep. The constant chaos of his nightmares, that drove him to scream in his sleep, awaking his oaf of an uncle who did not take being awoke too kindly. Plus this wake I will have no more visions, mere illusions taunting him to risk another precious life, because of his stupidity.

I have to get out of here, right now, I don't care if the Order member catches me, I'll just be on my guard. I wont hurt them of course, their only doing what they think is right. I couldn't take the Knight Bus, everyone would regonize me. The leaves muggle transport… but I do not have any muggle money. I'll solve that soon enough, Harry thought.

Harry walked over grabbing whatever little amount of clothing and wizarding stuff he owns and shrunk his trunk, leaving his wand close enough for access. Since he became of age a few days ago he's been enjoying the free use of magic, no more threatening notes of being expelled, not like he was going back to Hogwarts. There was nothing there for him anymore.

Harry tiptoed down the stairs, missing the creaky step so not to awaken his 'family'. Entering the kitchen he grabbed the cookie jar on top of the fridge. The Dursley's were not as discreet as they should've been about hiding their savings for rainy days, but than again they probably never expected Harry to be brave enough to steal from them. Grabbing enough for a few nights, he reached the front door and threw his invisibility cloak over him.

The early morning was cold enough to be approaching winter, even though it was mid-summer. Harry took a deep breath in, his first time being outside since his return home from Hogwarts. He didn't dare face outside in case if one of the guard decided to talk to him, and he knew the inevitable would occur, they would bring up Dumbledore's death. Harry shuddered as he thought of Dumbledore's body on the ground, sprawled, the twinkle in his blue eyes, gone.

Harry made it pass the bushes that he swore he saw someone hiding in. Really couldn't they be anymore obvious, Harry thought shaking his head.

The wind picked up, and dogs started barking as their owner's let them out, getting ready for the day of work ahead. Chilled Harry went to pull the cloak closer, a bit too late. The invisibility cloak went flying off him. Harry swore out loud, which was probably what first alerted the order member to his presence.

"Harry!" Tonks appeared from the bushes, startled. "What are you doing? Get inside the house at once do you want to be killed?"

"Err-.. hi Tonks." Harry muttered feeling his face turned red under the heated glare.

Tonks moved forward to grab Harry. But Harry had anticipated this, and grabbed his wand from his pockets, and pointed it at her. Tonks stopped mid-step.

"What?..."

"Listen Tonk I'm sorry, I just can't handle this anymore. You have faith in the wrong person, I'm just an ordinary boy. I have no special powers, I'm me. Your protecting the wrong person, okay? I know you guys wont believe me, cause of the prophecy and all. So I'm taking it into my own hands. I'm leaving for good. To live my life some where's where you wont be able to find me. It's for your own good, I'd probably just end up getting you killed anyway" Harry said with a grimace.

Tonk's went for her wand, fully intended to stun the boy and than return him to safety to knock some sense into him, but Harry was quicker and stunned her.

"Im sorry Tonks, I really am. But don't you understand im the reason why Sirius is dead" Harry muttered to her as he grunted under the weight of pulling into the bushes so she was out of sight of muggles. "I really don't know why you don't hate me…"

Harry hurried away after making sure no one was watching. He turned down several streets that he believed led to the bus stop. As he turned onto another street, St. Andrews, Harry noticed several of Dudley's friends. Not wanting to get any attention drawn to him, he turned down a nearby alley. A rather dark, narrow one. Harry to distracted with the creepiness failed to notice a busted tire on the ground, and tripped falling flat on his face.

"Bloody brilliant' Harry muttered as he tried to wipe the dirt of his face.

"Sorry about that Harry, but I knew you would've ran"

Harry rolled over to face Remus Lupin towering over him, with a grim smile. His eye glinted with concern as he surveyed the skinny boy in front of him. Lupin offered his hand to Harry.

Ignoring the help Harry scrambled to his feet, glaring at his former proffesser. He brushed the dirt off his hand me down clothes.

"Are you hurt anywhere? I think I was a bit too ethusitac, shouldve conjured something softer I suppose. But really it's much better than being attacked by a death eater, right?" Lupin said smiling, not at all insulted by Harry dismissal.

"No im not, but really you could've just called my name instead of trying to kill me" Harry said rolling his eyes, irritated at the proffesser's appearance.

"Sorry, dear boy. Now may I ask why were you in such a hurry?"

"I err- was taking a walk, felt like stretching my legs you know."

"Right… well than you don't mind me walking with you. You wont feel the need to stun me as well, will you" Lupin asked, a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. Harry paled slightly, so this was it. He was caught.

"Oh nonsense, werewolf why would you stun you, when I could kill you" A cold voice sneered from several feet behind Harry.

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	2. In The Alley

_**"Oh nonsense, werewolf why would he stun you, when I could kill you" A cold voice sneered from several feet behind Harry.**_

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"Malfoy, how nice of you to join us. Pity we can't stay much longer" Lupin said his face passive as if he was expecting to see him.

"Oh I don't know about that, I'm sure we could arrange different plans. Seeing as how Potter here is a 'special case'" Lucius sneered.

Lupin stepped in front of Harry protectively, drawing his wand. Harry also grabbed his wand, staring with hatred at his nemesis. That bastered's son is the reason why Dumbledore was dead. He will pay. Completely ignoring Lupin's order's Harry stepped out with a growl.

"You bastered! You're going to pay for what your son did!"

Lucius raised his eyebrows clearly amused a mere teenager was threatening him, a deatheater.

"Harry what are you doing get behind me!" Lupin ordered, eyes wide.

"Syptusis" Harry yelled. The dark spell caught Lucius completely off guard. Who would've expected the golden boy to cast a dark spell? Lupin turned to stare at him.

Lucius yelped and started jumping up and down, his arms trying to free himself of an invisible force, as he felt his body start to squeeze together.

"Harry, stop it. You could kill him and you don't want that on your conscience."

Harry whispered the incantation to lift the curse, surprised at his own hatred towards the man.

"Your going to pay for that Potter!" Sneered Lucius, his body still shaking from the after effects. "Crucio"

Unbelievable pain sent Harry to his knees, he bit his lip so he wouldn't give Lucius the satisfaction of hearing him scream, Harry whimpered instead. His knees were on fire, his head pounding, his stomach begging for it to stop.

"Stop it!" Lupin screamed as he dropped to his knees beside the boy, Lupin held on to Harry tightly. He whispered words of encouragement to Harry, he had no idea if Harry heard as he seemed to be losing conscious.

"Stupefy!" Lupin yelled. But Lucius easily dodged the cure, sending a purple light back. Lupin shoved both him and Harry to the ground, managing to avoid the spell. Harry now lay on the ground, unmoving.

"Shit!" Lupin whispered as he surveyed the young teen in front of him. Blood dripped out of Harry's nose, but that wasn't what concerned him, it was the pool of blood that appeared next to Harry's head. Lupin put an arm tightly around Harry's chest, and took out an alarm clock, narrowly missing Lucius's next cure by inches.

They appeared in a country kitchen, the room has many large windows, and a pair of glass doors that lead to the pool outside. On two wooden chairs sat a younger woman with black hair and a pinched pasty looking face, her eyes surveyed the two in front of her with a cold look in her eyes. Beside the young woman, sat a well-built man, who could've been mistaken as a wrestler, he had long brown hair that was thrown back in a ponytail, and intense orange eyes.

"Remus!" the man exclaimed, standing up with such force the chair went flying. He rushed over to Lupin's side, and lifted up the battered body of a boy, using his other arm cleared the kitchen table of all it's possessions, and gently laid the boy down.

"Archie, we were attacked. In an alley, Harry was trying to run away, he stunned Tonks, no don't worry she's fine." Lupin said reassuring Archie of his fiancés condition. "Montana?"

The woman raised a perfectly plucked eyebrow, "Yes?" she asked coldly in her simpering voice.

"I need you to go fire call Severus, and Madame Pomfrey, right away"

The woman stood her gracefully, practically floated in the living room, her black cloak fluttering behind her.

"Remus I'm no healer , but this doesn't look good, he's lost a lot of blood." Archie said gruffly, he checked his pulse "Pulse is weak… Remus, it's took weak."

Lupin sighed, he gazed at the boy he thought of as a son. Gently he moved Harry's hair of his forehead, he cupped his cheek. "Oh Harry, I'm so sorry" he muttered.

Montana entered the room, closely followed by Severus and Madame Pomfrey, who quickly rushed over to Harry's side, clucking her tongue disapprovingly. She ran her wand over Harry's body, frowning, she did it again. "Oh …"

"Well Poppy what is it?" Lupin asked impatiently.

"It appears Mr. Potter here, has sustained perhaps serious damage to his brain. He may be in a coma, I'm not su-"

Lupin interrupted, "Why do you mean you don't know?!".

"Remus, please let the woman speak. Poppy what is it?" Archie said gravely, placing a hand reassuringly on Lupin's shoulder.

"Well, as I was saying I'm not sure if the damage will result in a coma, serious damage that may result in loss of memory, brain damage, or … well it could be anything really. Now, the reason why I can't give a straight answer is because something appears to be getting in the way of my wand receiving the symptoms and damage."

"But if he's not in a coma, will he be alright?" asked Archie.

"You mean will he live? We can only hope" sighed Madame Pomfrey.

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Please Review!


	3. Past Wanderings

A/N: Sorry about how short this is, my daughter Autumn hasn't been feeling good so im trying to take care of her.

Thank You Slythering Rules! for reviewing BOTH of my chapters, thanks for making me happy:):)

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Harry was placed in the living room, everyone from the order took turns sitting by his bed. Lupin was losing sleep it was evident in the color of his skin to the dullness in his usually lively brown eyes.

Hours flew by when Harry entered this coma-like state, quickly followed by days. The more time that passed, the more anxious everyone became. If Harry didn't recover soon many feared that the whole wizarding world was doomed.

The room almost seemed like it as apart of the same house the kitchen was, where the kitchen was cheery and bright, the living room was dark and almost remorseful looking. Heavy red drapes covered the windows, unfriendly portraits hung on the wall watching your every movement, books were lined from wall to wall, in one corner was a rather larger than life fireplace that burned brightly lighting the whole room. By this fire place where to overstuffed couch and arm chair, the same color as the drapes. On top of this couch lay what looked like a 12 year old boy, his face as pale as the half moon outside, beads of sweat dripping of his forehead, not from heat though, as the boy lay shivering uncontrably. Lupin sat close by, his face hidden behind the book 'Advanced Charms For The Wandering Mind", but if you looked close enough he stared at the book re-reading the same sentence over and over again. Letting out a huge sigh, he closed the book and rubbed feriously at his eyes. This was bound to be the longest week of his life, well close enough.

I've never felt so helpless, Lupin thought, I've lost all my close and dearest friends, and now im losing my best friends son. He watched the shadows from the fire dance along the wall, exhausted he imagined seeing Prongs and Padfoot chasing each other, Padfoot dodging in and out of Prongs feet. I wonder if their happy out there, where ever out there is. If it wasn't for Harry here, he might even of considered being with his old friends, laughing, playing pranks, just acting foolish. On the outside Lupin looked well put together, not laughing as loud as he use to, but that looked like the only thing that has changed since Sirius's death. Inside though was a disaster, his nightmares at night taunting him of being alone, at fault for his friends death, telling him that no one would stand by him. The nightmares of grown far worse since Dumbledore's death, his dream world was clashing with his reality, though he struggled hard to keep it intact, Lupin knew it wouldn't be long until everyone else saw he was losing his mind.

Tonks had suspected something was up after Dumbledore's death, she fought hard and strong to be with him. She somehow hoped he would open up to her, but he didn't. He remained hard and silent, and didn't give her any sign of acknowledgement when she would bring up the subject. Eventually all just fell apart, and whatever that was, that they could call a relationship was gone. Leaving a very fustrated Tonk, who quickly got together with Archie, as a rebound.

Harry let out a strangled gasp, his hands struggling to push away some unknown force at his throat. Kicking and thrashing, Harry started to wheeze as though his air supply was being caught off. Lupin jumped to his feet, his Charms book flying into the fireplace, but he took no notice.

"Archie, Poppy, someone come quick!" Lupin yelled, he grasped Harry's frail wrists tightly, hoping this would lessen the damage. It appeared that whatever Harry was trying to push away wasn't as invisible as Lupin thought, as he stared completely horrified at the bruising marks and bleeding scratches on his neck


	4. Who's Harry?

Archie barged into the room quickly followed by Poppy, he quickly strode over to Lupin's side.

"What's going on?" Archie demanded.

"I –I don't know… he's having trouble breathing. Than it was like someone was strangling him, but no one or thing was there… until I moved his arms. Look! He did NOT do that to himself!" Lupin said eyes wide. Poppy grabbed Harry's wrist from Lupin, and took his pulse. Harry's body start convulsing with such power the couch was starting to move along the floor.

"Move him, so he won't fall off the couch!" Poppy demanded. Archie and Lupin grabbed Harry gently and placed him on the floor with great difficulty. Poppy knelt down beside him, checking his eyes that were rolled up in the back of his head; she took out her wand and muttered words that Lupin wasn't able to hear. Bright colors of purple and blue made a dome-like light around Harry's body. Harry instantly relaxed, all motion stopping, and the dome dissapeard. Lupin breathed a sigh of relief, wiping the perspiration of his brow.

"That is good, right? Him not moving like that anymore?" Archie asked, watching Harry's weak rise and fall of his stomach. Poppy stayed quiet for a few minutes, furrowing her brow as though trying to figure out what to say.

"I'm not sure, it almost like we were on the verge of losing him. But now… he looks like he is well on his way to recovering, at least that's what his magic is telling me. It seems while Harry was unconscious, his magic became restless needing to be released, but was confined. Somehow… it seems to have grown to almost a level, that many of us has yet to have shown."

Lupin lifted Harry off the ground, cradling Harry in his arms like a child. His face broke out in a smile.

"Harry's going to be okay!" Lupin whooped. Archie also smiled, Lupin's happiness seemed to be contagious.

Poppy nodded, getting up to leave. "I'll contact Montana about his unique condition perhaps she can supply us with some valuable potions. Keep him warm, if he awakes, yes Remus, he might wake up" Seeing the shocked look, "Contact me immediately. I will be at Hogwarts, in Montana's chambers, or perhaps with the Headmistress, as she will want to be informed of this." Moving over to the fire, she threw some floo powder from the bowl on top of the fireplace, in the fireplace. "Hogwarts!", she yelled disappearing.

Archie rubbed his face with his massive hands, than he plunked down in the arm chair. Lupin laid Harry down so his head was on Lupin knees, running his hands through Harry's hair.

"You know, he would never let me do this if he was awake." Lupin said softly.

"You had said earlier that Harry didn't believe the prophecy was about him, right?" Archie asked staring into the fire, his forehead wrinkled. Lupin nodded. "Well this only proves that Harry was wrong".

Lupin looked up startled. "What do you mean, how does 'this' prove that Harry is the Chosen One"

Archie stood up and paced in front of the fire. "Well, Poppy said that his magic level has increased greatly, his magic has surpassed many adult wizards and witches. I suspect that now Harry has come of age not that long ago, his true magic is now being released. He will need to learn to control this, I fear if he doesn't … his power might overcome him. The same that happened to Voldemort" Lupin shuddered, maybe it was from the thought of Harry turning into Voldemort, or the fact that Archie used his name.

"Harry would NEVER" Lupin said defensively, his hands gripping on to Harry's arms as if to stop from turning into Voldemort.

"I'm not saying he will. Look Remus, before you get angry, I am not saying I want him too, or that the boy sitting on the couch would. But times change as you grow up, things happen that can… change you."

Lupin said nothing, staring at the wall off in space. Suddenly, he turned to face Archie.

"When he wakes up Harry's staying here, with me I mean. He is not going back to the Dursley's, they treat him like crap. And like you and Poppy said he's going to need help controlling his powers. Why not here, I'm sure one of the many people that constantly stop by my house, would be able to help him with certain aspects like being of peace of mind, meditating, dueling, stuff like that. And I can be here for him when he wants to talk about the problems he's having."

Archie thought for a minute, "Well I suppose that would work, I don't know how the ministry would take you becoming Harry's guardian, just because of your condition. Hmm, well perhaps if I also become Harry's guardian as well, just for when you have full moons. I'll run it by a few people in the Order. Than contact the ministry, let's just hope-"

Archie jumped, and rushed over to Harry's side. Lupin glanced up at him, startled. "Wha-?"

"He moved, his hand moved. Watch".

They gazed intently at Harry's right hand, and sure enough it twitched, than it moved slowly up to his face, looking as heavy as lead, he rubbed his eyes. Harry let out a load groan, and open his startling green eyes.

"What's going on?" asked Harry, confused at the bleary shapes. Lupin quickly put his glasses on. Archie went to the fireplace to fire call Pomfrey.

"Harry we were so worried, but it'll be okay now. We'll keep you safe" Lupin said giving him a light hug, scared of hurting him. But Harry's confusion only increased, he furrowed his brow.

"Who's Harry?"


	5. The Wolf Inside

The boy stared at the poorly dressed older man in front of him. The funny thing is he couldn't say for sure his name wasn't Harry, because he didn't know who he was himself. Everything from before this moment was a blur. But there was something familiar about the man in front of him.

Another man older than the first, came into view, he strangely reminded him of a fierce lion, there was no memory of him either. But the look the man was giving him made him think, that the man must know him somehow, no one you just met gives you a look that intense filled with protectiveness.

"Remus, what's wrong?" asked the man, laying a hand on Remus's shoulder noticing how white Remus's face went.

Remus brought his hands up to his face rubbing furiously as though to wake from a dream.

"He doesn't remember" Remus whispered softly.

"What?" Archie asked confused. Remus removed his hand leaving scratch makrs on his face.

"THAT BASTARD! THAT STINKING PUREBLOOD BASTERED!" Remus yelled, not noticing Harry shrink back, Remus grasped Archie's shoulders firmly and shook him. "HARRY'S MEMORY IS EARASED! LUCIUS MALFOY REMOVED HARRY POTTER'S MEMORY!"

"Easy Remus, I'm sure whatever has happened can be reversed. There is no need to panic until we know the full story to what happened to Harry".

Remus let out a deep breath and plopped himself down on the overstuffed chair and stared at Harry, expecting for Harry to start rolling on the floor laughing at him, that this all was just a joke. There was a heavy silence, everyone lost in their own thoughts.

"Are you my father?" asked Harry in a small voice, expecting to be yelled at for asking such a silly question, that he should already know the answer too.

And that was all it took for Remus to come unhinged. He stood up and let out a howl from the wolf inside, and left the room, followed by Harry's and Archie's wide eyes.

"Don't worry about him Harry, he'll be alright I think those sleepless nights are catching up to him, and it's almost a full moon the wolf inside is just reacting to what's happened to it's 'cub' in a manner of speaking" Archie said reassuringly. "Ah Poppy nice of you to join us, and Minerva nice to see you again".

Poppy gave a quick nod of the head to Archie and hurried over to Harry asking question after question, and examined parts if Harry's body. She smiled at each answer Harry gave her, but she grasped the potion in her hand so hard it was turning white.

Archie and Minerva were having a quiet conversation in the corner of the room. Minerva's face was drawn tightly showing the many lines in her that haven't been there before. Albus's death had hit her hard, she was trying to deal while at the same time, she was trying to run Hogwarts.

"Oh dear, Archie what are you we going to do? How are we going to hide this from the rest of the wizarding world? IF they out there will be a panic! Oh! … and Voldemort! Archie when he gets wind of poor Harry here, in the condition he's in!" Minerva gasped.

"If he doesn't already know. It was one of his Deatheater's that did this to Harry." Minerva paled. "No Minerva, don't worry I will figure out a way to keep the boy safe, I was after all left in charge of the Headquarters' for a reason."


End file.
